I had a conversation with a couple ladies today, on the way home from church, who offered me some of their literature. They are part of a group that calls themselves Christian, while they deny basic tenants that Christians, in general hold, and which started in the US not long ago (as religions go). They have a surprisingly strong presence here, and a good chunk of money.
I talked about false prophecy and methods of Biblical interpretation, and they toted some party lines, but also some creative defenses of their materials. One of my goals in the conversation was to find out if there was a chance they would listen to reason, or if they were beyond listening to contrary viewpoints. Unfortunately for that goal, one of the characteristics of people in this area in Congo, which I have had pointed out to me by several Congolese, is the habit of agreeing to your face, then acting as they please. So several times I got things like, "yes, that was a false prophecy, I see." followed by a roundabout defense of the the prophecy as just.
In one attempt to cut to the chase, I grabbed some of their material, and skimmed for heretical interpretations. I have looked through there material several times, and it seems like it doesn't ever take long before I found something wacky. But I didn't find anything immediately (under the pressure of the conversation, probably), so we went back to the Bible, prophecy, and Jesus.
The short version of that conversation is that both women turned out to be strongly convinced that they are in the True church, and nothing I said was allowed to inject the slightest perceptible doubt.
But I had some doubt myself, that perhaps their church had gotten less wacky since I last looked at their materials, since I didn't immediately find something in that booklet. So tonight I took a more leisurely gander at it, and boy, I was not disappointed. One short article took you through Ezekiel, Daniel, 2Kings, and a couple other books to prove exactly how, why, and when the Judgment day would begin (when it would end was in another article). There were, of course, the confusions about who exactly Jesus is, but I won't bore you with the details.
The thing that struck me, again, was how reasonable and logical much of the writing is. Take lots of correctly interpreted scripture, throw in one wacky interpretation, and everything that follows sounds right, but isn't. The above trip through Daniel, etc. started with a statement of Jesus, which is clearly in the future tense. But for some reason they interpret his comment to refer to a period that started 600 years earlier. hmm... They kind of glossed over that part.
Like one of the last things they said, of 1Tim 2:3-4: "This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, 4who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth," in the ESV. Leaving aside the meaning of "all people" here, this verse was quoted to demonstrate that accurate/precise knowledge was necessary for salvation. They are saved because they come to the knowledge of the truth (their French version said "exact knowledge," though that may be their own translation, as the two French versions I have here don't have "exact"). No, actually, salvation and knowledge here are two independent items desired by God. Whether there is any other relationship between them is not mentioned here (not that it couldn't be demonstrated elsewhere, just not here). They sound logical, but their logic is flawed.
As I reflected on this later, I realized that, for a number of these concerns, most people would probably just glaze over them. These ladies had pretty good French, and probably sound much better in Swahili. Most people would probably look up to them, and not really question what they say, if it sounds reasonable. Most people here have a hard enough time reading the Bible for themselves, that they probably welcome an educated person who makes sense, and who will tell them what the Bible means. Most people would not be able to get past the language, much less the logic and content embedded in the language. Which brought me back to the urgency of our task. People in America who fall prey to these influences are somewhat responsible for their own demise. They could read the Bible for themselves, if they wanted. They could go to church and learn from others, fairly easily (without crossing language or cultural barriers, anyway). But people here generally have to read the Bible in a second or third language, and it isn't easy for them like it is for me (and you?). When did you last read Shakespeare for fun, much less something in French or Spanish? We need to get the church here solid defense against heresy. We need to get her a foundation that she can build on, that will withstand tests in time. We need to get her the Bible, in languages that her people can easily understand. And we need to do that sooner, rather than later.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Wrath to Come
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And
"If the righteous is scarcely saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
I don't normally go in for prophecies, and I'm not claiming that this is one. But Kim and I have independently had similar impressions in the last couple months, so I thought it was worth writing down. My Bible reading program, in September and October, goes through Isaiah and Jeremiah. Which I have read through many times, of course, but this time, each time I heard of God's judgment and wrath on his own people, it seemed somehow to be more than just a message for Israel. It was as if God was saying to me "it is going to get harder for you before it gets easier." Which is a weird thing to hear when you're living in a city with a strong UN military presence, where there has been a recent history of ethnic (and other) violence, and where no one else has dared bring their children to live in the town (there is another missionary family with kids, but they're on furlough now -- we hope to see them again soon!) Where the house we finally found in our budget needed work. Lots of it. And where we have to live in it while we're fixing it up. This last is perhaps the most upsetting of it all -- for us, who crave stability and a home, to be living in an eternal workshop. What do you mean its going to get harder before it gets easier? How long can we go on as is, much less harder?
But I took that as an encouragement, like the Israelites needing to go through exile before being brought home. Being told that ahead of time reminds you that God has a plan, and this hard stuff is part of it. God is in control, and in the end we will all understand that He has done it, so He will get the glory. Which doesn't make it less hard, but at least we get to see the point.
Then these last couple weeks, Kim has been reading The End of the Spear, by Steve Saint. She's happily sharing with me throughout her time reading, until she gets to the end, and sees the purpose of God in two early deaths in the same family. And suddenly she has this strong impression that this was not for them, but for us. Not a conversation where you say, "that's nice honey," and turn the TV back on. We prayed through it that night, asking for peace and understanding.
The next day, I realized that it didn't matter (in a sense) if these were from God, telling us that we have serious tragedy ahead for our family. God has called us to a life where hardship is a daily reality, regardless. Whether or not we will one day see one of our children die, we have a daily responsibility to get on with the work that God has called us to do here and now. Whether or not God will one day bring us one of the scenarios that have, in the past, happened to other missionaries in this area, cowering out of fear of that possibility would be irresponsible. Supposedly Caesar said "It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." In the same way, I think being daily responsible to a hard task may be harder that living up to a once in a lifetime horrific tragedy. In any case we know we are called to the daily hardships now, and the later is speculation. Let us not live in fear of death before we are actually called to die. When that moment does come, we will pray for the strength and courage to continue until we know what the sacrifice was for.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
hope, revisited
After my last post, I took the opportunity to spend a few minutes in the "garden" with the boys. We dug up some of the many things we don't want growing there, turned the dirt with some fertilizer (the one thing the bats are good for), and transplanted the tomato. It was a stirring moment, like something out of Field of Dreams -- a man struggling to do something that no one else understands, yet which provides him hope and purpose for the moment yada yada yada.... But the kids got to see the usefulness of bat dung again, which is always cool for our boys.
Then I looked out later and didn't see anything there at all. I asked the kids, and they disavowed knowledge. Here is a pic I took the next morning:
No more than 12 hrs after planting it, our DOG, who is so hot she has no business living on the equator, sat on it. Rolled in the freshly dug up (and cool) earth, actually. Which I'm sure was fun for her. Ha ha.
But I had not even passed the second of the five stages of grief over my dead tomato plant of hope, when the children brought news of more volunteers on the compound. That's the great thing about the equator. Even though its so hot that dogs bred for elsewhere feel the urge to roll in your garden, stuff grows like crazy, like it or not. Which has been good, given the time we've been able to set aside for gardening (i.e., none).
But with all these ups and downs, I guess that's why the scriptures say
Then I looked out later and didn't see anything there at all. I asked the kids, and they disavowed knowledge. Here is a pic I took the next morning:
No more than 12 hrs after planting it, our DOG, who is so hot she has no business living on the equator, sat on it. Rolled in the freshly dug up (and cool) earth, actually. Which I'm sure was fun for her. Ha ha.
But I had not even passed the second of the five stages of grief over my dead tomato plant of hope, when the children brought news of more volunteers on the compound. That's the great thing about the equator. Even though its so hot that dogs bred for elsewhere feel the urge to roll in your garden, stuff grows like crazy, like it or not. Which has been good, given the time we've been able to set aside for gardening (i.e., none).
But with all these ups and downs, I guess that's why the scriptures say
Thursday, October 15, 2009
hope
The Bible reading program I use recently took me out of Isaiah, into Jeremiah. So as I've pondered our life here, and how hard it seems, I've had many messages of condemnation and difficulty to reflect on. And I've wondered if things are just going to get harder and harder. And they might.
But this morning the psalm was Psalm 86, which ends
And the crowning irony? This morning I found a volunteer tomato plant next to our house. Having had no time whatsoever to garden, this is an amazing Grace to me. Less than five minutes before reading these passages, which specifically mention gardening. Perhaps God has a plan after all, and perhaps it really is Good.
But this morning the psalm was Psalm 86, which ends
Show me a sign of your favor,Now I'm always weary of seeking signs, having too many examples in my so far short life already of how wrong people go by them, in addition to Jesus' own admonition. But this caught my eye. Then comes the selection from Jeremiah, which includes a letter to the exiles in Babylon:
that those who hate me may see and be put to shame
because you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me. (v17 ESV)
"Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. (Jeremiah 29:4-7 ESV)So anyway, I thought that an interesting juxtaposition. What some might call coincidence. Or maybe God is saying to us, like He said to the exiles, life is hard where I've put you, but settle down and make the best of it, because you're going to be there awhile.
And the crowning irony? This morning I found a volunteer tomato plant next to our house. Having had no time whatsoever to garden, this is an amazing Grace to me. Less than five minutes before reading these passages, which specifically mention gardening. Perhaps God has a plan after all, and perhaps it really is Good.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thailand is in America, right?
I went to buy sugar and flour at the market the other day, and had an interesting conversation with the shop owner. He asked me where Thailand was, and I told him Asia. No, I thought it was in America. Well, take a look at their script on the bag... But Viet Nam, that's in America, right? Um... I wasn't sure how much geography to get into, but I thought it was an interesting mistake. He made another observation before I was able to get away: But they are both much more developed than Congo, right? Hmm... not sure about that, but I didn't think so. The thing is, these countries export there rice and sugar to Congo, and everyone here buys it over the local stuff. I think it is even cheaper than the local stuff (when you can get it), though its been shipped and trucked across an entire hemisphere to get here. So they must be developed nations. When I told him I wasn't sure, he asked when they could export all that food then, when people here can't/don't produce as much. I'm sure that someone from the World Bank would have something to say, right or wrong, about this. I just said that it was a good question, and that it was one for the Congolese, not me, to answer. Anyway, maybe it's a question of relative poverty; I seem to recall DRC on a "bottom 10" list somewhere recently, in terms of GDP, or some such. Then again, the guy we bought our car from (who now has a newer, bigger one) has a bustling business in fuel, gold, diamonds, cigarettes, and now cell phone service. Not quite the "sin tax" guy, but close. I don't think he sells alcohol. But he seems to be doing OK. So maybe the "buy foreign" campaign was too successful. Or maybe there is a self image issue, where Chinese goods are cheap and don't last (their words, and a common opinion of the goods sold here), but they're better than the ones we make. Sounds like we've all got our work cut out.
First Fruits
I like mangoes. really. Like I really like mangoes. I could have one with every meal. Or two. So when we found that our compound had three mango trees, it wasn't just the kids who were excited. And a month or so ago, when the first ones started getting ripe, and falling when you touched them, boy was that a happy time for me. For a bit. See, while not really a big city person, I have lived in cities of 5+million more than on compounds with as much land as we have here. Which means there's a lot about agriculture that I don't know. Like firstfruits. I have seen this concept in scripture so many times, of the offering of the first of your produce. And recently I saw this concept again in 2 Thessalonians:
But with mangoes (and perhaps with other firstfruits, I wouldn't know), there is good chunk of time between the firstfruits and the rest of the fruit. Why, I don't know. But We must have gotten some 8 mangoes of one of our trees, then nothing. We had one ripe each day for a good solid week, then nothing. Just a couple hundred slowly growing, without a one close to ready. And I've looked around town, and all the mango are like this, at about the same stage of development. We are still probably another good week away from our next ripe mango.
So as I thought about the above verses applying to us, there seemed to be another interpretation, that Paul may well have intended. The fruit that comes before the rest (particularly if it comes some time ahead, like these mangoes) is something of a pioneer class. So if God chose some to be the firstfruits of salvation in an area, they are not just first/best or whatever, but it is probably also intrinsically harder for them. Which makes sense in the context of the pioneer expansion of the church.
This last week, we were considering the fact that (I think this is true) we have the only white kids in town. There is another expat family with two children, but they're back in the states for awhile. Lots of single expats, a few couples married with grown kids, or none yet. But there are lots on the way, we hear. Which makes us a kind of pioneer, as well. This area has a long history of missionary activity, with one mission having had some 67 families. Now there are NGO workers galore, but few missionaries. And UN workers come single, or without their families. As things settle down and become more peaceful, we expect there to be more and more expat families, but in the mean time we get to get along without much interaction in the context of our own language and culture. Not impossible, by any means, but not the easiest, either. So we'll get together and sing hymns and watch movies with people we can speak English freely with, but also share our beignets with the kids across the street. On our morning walks we practice our greetings (which no one seems to mind) and get to know the town, and how to find home. And get stared at by the kids that think eyeballing us is more interesting than walking to school. Oh, well.
I guess I just needed the reminder that maybe this is supposed to be hard, but worth it. We look forward to the day when we are established and surrounded by many colleagues, both pat and expat, and getting some good work done. One day those hundreds of mangoes are all going to ripen, and I want to be there. :-)
But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers beloved by the Lord, because God chose you as the firstfruits to be saved, through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth. To this he called you through our gospel, so that you may obtain the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us, either by our spoken word or by our letter. (2:13-15 ESV)I always thought of this as first, or perhaps also best, as in giving your best to God. Don't sift through the produce of your fields for the stuff you don't want; give the first stuff you get.
But with mangoes (and perhaps with other firstfruits, I wouldn't know), there is good chunk of time between the firstfruits and the rest of the fruit. Why, I don't know. But We must have gotten some 8 mangoes of one of our trees, then nothing. We had one ripe each day for a good solid week, then nothing. Just a couple hundred slowly growing, without a one close to ready. And I've looked around town, and all the mango are like this, at about the same stage of development. We are still probably another good week away from our next ripe mango.
So as I thought about the above verses applying to us, there seemed to be another interpretation, that Paul may well have intended. The fruit that comes before the rest (particularly if it comes some time ahead, like these mangoes) is something of a pioneer class. So if God chose some to be the firstfruits of salvation in an area, they are not just first/best or whatever, but it is probably also intrinsically harder for them. Which makes sense in the context of the pioneer expansion of the church.
This last week, we were considering the fact that (I think this is true) we have the only white kids in town. There is another expat family with two children, but they're back in the states for awhile. Lots of single expats, a few couples married with grown kids, or none yet. But there are lots on the way, we hear. Which makes us a kind of pioneer, as well. This area has a long history of missionary activity, with one mission having had some 67 families. Now there are NGO workers galore, but few missionaries. And UN workers come single, or without their families. As things settle down and become more peaceful, we expect there to be more and more expat families, but in the mean time we get to get along without much interaction in the context of our own language and culture. Not impossible, by any means, but not the easiest, either. So we'll get together and sing hymns and watch movies with people we can speak English freely with, but also share our beignets with the kids across the street. On our morning walks we practice our greetings (which no one seems to mind) and get to know the town, and how to find home. And get stared at by the kids that think eyeballing us is more interesting than walking to school. Oh, well.
I guess I just needed the reminder that maybe this is supposed to be hard, but worth it. We look forward to the day when we are established and surrounded by many colleagues, both pat and expat, and getting some good work done. One day those hundreds of mangoes are all going to ripen, and I want to be there. :-)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
the test
I've been trying to make sense of some stuff we've been going through, and I think I've got something. Not particularly happy, but somewhat settling, anyway.
At group conference in July, the theme was "Strength through Weakness," or something like that. The speaker talked on several passages in 2 Corinthians, which I found very encouraging. One day included the following verses:
24Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; 26on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; 27 in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food,[a] in cold and exposure. 28And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. 29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? (2 Corinthians 11:24-28)
Ironically, this was the same day we were to give our testimonies, and I had chosen these verses to describe our life since our last conference, some three years earlier. I should mention (as I did then) the caveat that (as the speaker said) our struggles were not to be compared with those of Paul -- we have never been actually lashed or beaten with rods, for instance. But what strikes me about these verses is the manifold nature of the suffering. Paul encountered danger from all sorts of angles: from men (Jews and Gentiles, and people who don't care, but just want your money); nature (city/wilderness/sea); physiology (unmet needs for sleep, food, drink and covering); and psychology (anxiety for the churches). While we have not suffered the same events, I've found the number of different angles we get hit from to be exhausting.
While undergoing burnout therapy during furlough, we were counseled to try to limit our move to the field to as little as two weeks, if possible. This is because of our long history of moving (some 13 moves in our first four years of marriage?), which has been very stressful for us. But manageable, assuming most other things are under control. We are now in our sixth month in Congo, after some six weeks in Nairobi, and we're still putting up the ceiling on our house. We've been in this house some four months, one of which I was off doing an alphabet seminar, and another of which was taken up by an overland trip to conference in Kenya. We've done a lot to the house so far, with now fairly reliable water and electricity, a dining room table and chairs, a few desks, and a living room couch. But we still feel the need to seal the rest of the ceilings and get a few bookshelves and some kitchen counters (and a bit of tile on the cement in the kitchen and bathroom would be nice, and Kim would add to this list. ː-)) We go to sleep at night often exhausted (emotionally and/or physically), asking when it will end.
We came back from our first term on 70% of our support quota, which meant we were cutting meat and cheese from our diets, and looking for other things to cut. Which is, again, manageable, assuming most other things are under control (this was when we were still trying to figure out why our four year old was having loose stools and wetting all the time). This also came up in our burnout processing, where I realized that this was more stressful than I had realized at the time, and we renewed our commitment to raise 100% of the funds needed for our work and life. So after we got our burnout more or less under control, we got to talk with our partnership about finances. God provided amazingly, through small and larger sources, and we got up to 100% (of our new quota, which was larger for our new location) before a delayed return to the field. This was during the economic trials everyone was going through in 2008/9, so we thought that would be fairly stable. Then there was apparently another wave of economic trouble, as several people have stopped giving. Last month, when we were expecting annual gifts to cover debts, we received 60% (our lowest in over 12 months).
Neither our house nor our finances would be as stressful alone as they are together. If we had more money, I would hire more people to help, and just order and pay for bookshelves, etc. and get it done. On the other hand, if the house were set up, I would have more time to get stuff done (the stuff we were sent here to do, not the house setup stuff I'm doing now) and write to people back home about it, and they might get more excited about supporting us.
Speaking of what we were sent here to do, we completed alphabets and charts for three languages in June, and I have yet to finish writing up that work. There is at least one interesting paper to write in what we did, in addition to processing what went well, and what didn't, for the next workshop. There is also the follow-up. There was a guy who was interested in coming by to work on a dictionary in his language, which I would love to have him do, but there are some legal and logistical hurdles to get over first, and I haven't finished those. It would also be nice to catch up with the guys who were at the workshop (some of whom are in Bunia) to see what they've done with the Alphabet charts we gave them, and to encourage them. And that's where I hear Paul writing "the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches." and I'm not yet to thinking much about the work we're planning for FY2009-10. I want so bad to see this work done. I hate so much that I'm a barrier to seeing it done, and that our needs as a family are a part of what's keeping some things from moving forward. So it's not just living with bat dung falling on you, or not having as much money as you'd like to fix it, but knowing that the time you're wasting in this transition period could be used for other things.
Anyway, not as impressive as "shipwrecked and beaten," but those are our big three right now, as they have been for some time.
Enough with the sob story. Yesterday we read 2 Corinthians 13:5,
Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! (ESV)
I've seen this verse many times before, but never connected the test so closely with the presence of Christ in the believer. At least, it is clear to me now that the necessary and sufficient condition for passing the test is having Christ in us. That is, the test is passed if and only if Christ is in you. So what is the test? Paul had talked earlier about persistent suffering as a mark of the ministry:
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11 ESV)
And as I read this, I am so puzzled (and sometimes angry!) that God would leave his servants at the brink of death, but not let them die. I have so often felt so close to cracking, yet somehow never do. We have often relied on the verses in chapter 1:
For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. (2 Corinthians 1:8-11 ESV)
The theme of continued peril, while escaping death, seems recurrent. And these two verses shed some light on why. We have for some time insisted that peril makes us rely on God, and depend on the prayers of others, as in these last verses from chapter 1. But what of chapters 4 and 13? "We who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." So perhaps it is not just to make us rely on Christ, but to show the life of Christ in us. Is this the test? Is God showing us, by persistent, manifold suffering, that Christ is in us -- proven by the fact that, though we feel like giving up, we haven't? I'm not sure what forces kept us going until the end our our last term, but this makes a lot more sense than our bootstraps. How many times have I said, I would die right now, if Christ were not compelling me on (ch 5:13-15)? I have long said that God uses suffering to prepare us for worse trials later, and several times I have stopped and said, "If this is what we're going through now, what is God preparing us for?!?!" But it is somehow strangely comforting to look back at all those times we bent but didn't break when God took us through hard stuff before. As John Piper wrote:
Why does God allow this? No, that is not quite the right question. We have to ask, Why does God appoint this? These things are a part of God's plan for his people just as the suffering and death of Jesus were part of God's plan for salvation (Isa. 53:10, Acts 4:27-28) (Let the Nations Be Glad, ed 2003 p 84)
Reading through his "Six Reasons God Appoints Suffering for His Servants" again is humbling. I won't quote them all here (though they're well worth the read), except for the first sentence of point six: "The suffering of missionaries is meant by God to magnify the power and sufficiency of Christ." The chapter on suffering ends "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. And the supremacy of that glory shines most brightly when the satisfaction that we have in him endures in spite of suffering and pain in the mission of love." Wow. May that be said of me.
At group conference in July, the theme was "Strength through Weakness," or something like that. The speaker talked on several passages in 2 Corinthians, which I found very encouraging. One day included the following verses:
24Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; 26on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; 27 in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food,[a] in cold and exposure. 28And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. 29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? (2 Corinthians 11:24-28)
Ironically, this was the same day we were to give our testimonies, and I had chosen these verses to describe our life since our last conference, some three years earlier. I should mention (as I did then) the caveat that (as the speaker said) our struggles were not to be compared with those of Paul -- we have never been actually lashed or beaten with rods, for instance. But what strikes me about these verses is the manifold nature of the suffering. Paul encountered danger from all sorts of angles: from men (Jews and Gentiles, and people who don't care, but just want your money); nature (city/wilderness/sea); physiology (unmet needs for sleep, food, drink and covering); and psychology (anxiety for the churches). While we have not suffered the same events, I've found the number of different angles we get hit from to be exhausting.
While undergoing burnout therapy during furlough, we were counseled to try to limit our move to the field to as little as two weeks, if possible. This is because of our long history of moving (some 13 moves in our first four years of marriage?), which has been very stressful for us. But manageable, assuming most other things are under control. We are now in our sixth month in Congo, after some six weeks in Nairobi, and we're still putting up the ceiling on our house. We've been in this house some four months, one of which I was off doing an alphabet seminar, and another of which was taken up by an overland trip to conference in Kenya. We've done a lot to the house so far, with now fairly reliable water and electricity, a dining room table and chairs, a few desks, and a living room couch. But we still feel the need to seal the rest of the ceilings and get a few bookshelves and some kitchen counters (and a bit of tile on the cement in the kitchen and bathroom would be nice, and Kim would add to this list. ː-)) We go to sleep at night often exhausted (emotionally and/or physically), asking when it will end.
We came back from our first term on 70% of our support quota, which meant we were cutting meat and cheese from our diets, and looking for other things to cut. Which is, again, manageable, assuming most other things are under control (this was when we were still trying to figure out why our four year old was having loose stools and wetting all the time). This also came up in our burnout processing, where I realized that this was more stressful than I had realized at the time, and we renewed our commitment to raise 100% of the funds needed for our work and life. So after we got our burnout more or less under control, we got to talk with our partnership about finances. God provided amazingly, through small and larger sources, and we got up to 100% (of our new quota, which was larger for our new location) before a delayed return to the field. This was during the economic trials everyone was going through in 2008/9, so we thought that would be fairly stable. Then there was apparently another wave of economic trouble, as several people have stopped giving. Last month, when we were expecting annual gifts to cover debts, we received 60% (our lowest in over 12 months).
Neither our house nor our finances would be as stressful alone as they are together. If we had more money, I would hire more people to help, and just order and pay for bookshelves, etc. and get it done. On the other hand, if the house were set up, I would have more time to get stuff done (the stuff we were sent here to do, not the house setup stuff I'm doing now) and write to people back home about it, and they might get more excited about supporting us.
Speaking of what we were sent here to do, we completed alphabets and charts for three languages in June, and I have yet to finish writing up that work. There is at least one interesting paper to write in what we did, in addition to processing what went well, and what didn't, for the next workshop. There is also the follow-up. There was a guy who was interested in coming by to work on a dictionary in his language, which I would love to have him do, but there are some legal and logistical hurdles to get over first, and I haven't finished those. It would also be nice to catch up with the guys who were at the workshop (some of whom are in Bunia) to see what they've done with the Alphabet charts we gave them, and to encourage them. And that's where I hear Paul writing "the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches." and I'm not yet to thinking much about the work we're planning for FY2009-10. I want so bad to see this work done. I hate so much that I'm a barrier to seeing it done, and that our needs as a family are a part of what's keeping some things from moving forward. So it's not just living with bat dung falling on you, or not having as much money as you'd like to fix it, but knowing that the time you're wasting in this transition period could be used for other things.
Anyway, not as impressive as "shipwrecked and beaten," but those are our big three right now, as they have been for some time.
Enough with the sob story. Yesterday we read 2 Corinthians 13:5,
Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! (ESV)
I've seen this verse many times before, but never connected the test so closely with the presence of Christ in the believer. At least, it is clear to me now that the necessary and sufficient condition for passing the test is having Christ in us. That is, the test is passed if and only if Christ is in you. So what is the test? Paul had talked earlier about persistent suffering as a mark of the ministry:
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11 ESV)
And as I read this, I am so puzzled (and sometimes angry!) that God would leave his servants at the brink of death, but not let them die. I have so often felt so close to cracking, yet somehow never do. We have often relied on the verses in chapter 1:
For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. (2 Corinthians 1:8-11 ESV)
The theme of continued peril, while escaping death, seems recurrent. And these two verses shed some light on why. We have for some time insisted that peril makes us rely on God, and depend on the prayers of others, as in these last verses from chapter 1. But what of chapters 4 and 13? "We who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." So perhaps it is not just to make us rely on Christ, but to show the life of Christ in us. Is this the test? Is God showing us, by persistent, manifold suffering, that Christ is in us -- proven by the fact that, though we feel like giving up, we haven't? I'm not sure what forces kept us going until the end our our last term, but this makes a lot more sense than our bootstraps. How many times have I said, I would die right now, if Christ were not compelling me on (ch 5:13-15)? I have long said that God uses suffering to prepare us for worse trials later, and several times I have stopped and said, "If this is what we're going through now, what is God preparing us for?!?!" But it is somehow strangely comforting to look back at all those times we bent but didn't break when God took us through hard stuff before. As John Piper wrote:
Why does God allow this? No, that is not quite the right question. We have to ask, Why does God appoint this? These things are a part of God's plan for his people just as the suffering and death of Jesus were part of God's plan for salvation (Isa. 53:10, Acts 4:27-28) (Let the Nations Be Glad, ed 2003 p 84)
Reading through his "Six Reasons God Appoints Suffering for His Servants" again is humbling. I won't quote them all here (though they're well worth the read), except for the first sentence of point six: "The suffering of missionaries is meant by God to magnify the power and sufficiency of Christ." The chapter on suffering ends "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. And the supremacy of that glory shines most brightly when the satisfaction that we have in him endures in spite of suffering and pain in the mission of love." Wow. May that be said of me.
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