Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And
"If the righteous is scarcely saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
I don't normally go in for prophecies, and I'm not claiming that this is one. But Kim and I have independently had similar impressions in the last couple months, so I thought it was worth writing down. My Bible reading program, in September and October, goes through Isaiah and Jeremiah. Which I have read through many times, of course, but this time, each time I heard of God's judgment and wrath on his own people, it seemed somehow to be more than just a message for Israel. It was as if God was saying to me "it is going to get harder for you before it gets easier." Which is a weird thing to hear when you're living in a city with a strong UN military presence, where there has been a recent history of ethnic (and other) violence, and where no one else has dared bring their children to live in the town (there is another missionary family with kids, but they're on furlough now -- we hope to see them again soon!) Where the house we finally found in our budget needed work. Lots of it. And where we have to live in it while we're fixing it up. This last is perhaps the most upsetting of it all -- for us, who crave stability and a home, to be living in an eternal workshop. What do you mean its going to get harder before it gets easier? How long can we go on as is, much less harder?
But I took that as an encouragement, like the Israelites needing to go through exile before being brought home. Being told that ahead of time reminds you that God has a plan, and this hard stuff is part of it. God is in control, and in the end we will all understand that He has done it, so He will get the glory. Which doesn't make it less hard, but at least we get to see the point.
Then these last couple weeks, Kim has been reading The End of the Spear, by Steve Saint. She's happily sharing with me throughout her time reading, until she gets to the end, and sees the purpose of God in two early deaths in the same family. And suddenly she has this strong impression that this was not for them, but for us. Not a conversation where you say, "that's nice honey," and turn the TV back on. We prayed through it that night, asking for peace and understanding.
The next day, I realized that it didn't matter (in a sense) if these were from God, telling us that we have serious tragedy ahead for our family. God has called us to a life where hardship is a daily reality, regardless. Whether or not we will one day see one of our children die, we have a daily responsibility to get on with the work that God has called us to do here and now. Whether or not God will one day bring us one of the scenarios that have, in the past, happened to other missionaries in this area, cowering out of fear of that possibility would be irresponsible. Supposedly Caesar said "It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." In the same way, I think being daily responsible to a hard task may be harder that living up to a once in a lifetime horrific tragedy. In any case we know we are called to the daily hardships now, and the later is speculation. Let us not live in fear of death before we are actually called to die. When that moment does come, we will pray for the strength and courage to continue until we know what the sacrifice was for.
